"Can I interest you in a used car...or an apartment perhaps?"

Now that we are feeling more comfortable and knowledgeable in Melbourne, Ax and I have started our search for the perfect apartment (aka. the perfect compromise). Two properties have been viewed so far on this quest, but I suspect we'll have worn holes in our shoes by the time we find the right place.

I decided to view apartment number one while Ax was at work last week. After getting stuck in the wrong lane on a busy road then taking a convoluted detour to get back on track and handing over five dollars for metered parking, I finally found the dump, um...I mean place, situated right next to a construction site. I reluctantly approached the dirty, yellow, ground floor door and pushed it open to reveal a decrepit, green and red, dirt encrusted foyer, with a fly ridden cement stairwell and an ancient minuscule elevator. By this time it was about ten to one and the inspection was not due to begin until one p.m. I slowly made my way up to the third storey, with my brow becoming increasingly furrowed as I absorbed the overall disgusting-ness of this eyesore of an apartment block. When I reached the door of the apartment, I looked at my watch (...two minutes to one), and quickly turned and fled back down the stairs, with my index fingers in my ears, away from the audio-visual pollution and back to the refuge of my car. It took me a few days to get over the initial shock of realising that real estate agents are liars and no better than used car salesmen.

Surprisingly, I woke up this morning still hopeful that our perfect apartment was just waiting to be found, and was possibly only hours away from discovery! Silly me. I had e-mailed a couple of agents on friday afternoon, hoping to schedule in a viewing or two on the following monday. Neither responded, but I was determined. Ax and I set out for the day and finding ourselves in the area of one of the advertised apartments, decided to have a drive by look. As it happened, the apartment was located right next door to the leasing agent so we asked the agent for a viewing. The space was described as a 'gorgeous self-contained studio apartment' with 'sunny paved courtyard' and 'sunny living room/bedroom', and the photos of the courtyard and kitchen were good, so I was excited to view our potential home.

The real estate agent was very busy and important so we waited about twenty minutes until he had time to show us the property next door. It had a nice high fence with a solid wooden gate, and the courtyard was pretty too. The kitchen was modern, with stainless steel surfaces, Ax and I smiled at each other with approval. The bathroom was small and minimal, not so good. Despite the bathroom, we wanted to see the rest of the place, but the agent had come to a standstill. We were confused- where was the rest? 'That's it...studio apartment', the agent said. Apparently, in real estate speak, any floorspace- regardless of its location i.e in the kitchen, can be described as 'livingroom' or even 'bedroom'! As we're no so keen on sleeping in the kitchen, or hanging our clothes in the shower, Ax and I decided to give this one a miss.